John Berardi - Large Professor: Gettin' Babylonian (Text Version)

The Large Professor - Gettin' Babylonian
By John Berardi
First published at www.johnberardi.com, Dec 27 2003.

As the season of eggnog and yuletide bliss comes and goes, I’m reminded that it’s time to make my New Year’s resolutions. What should I resolve to do in 2004? Should I strive to volunteer more of my time helping those in need? Should I strive to spend more time with friends and loved ones? Should I strive to spend more time with the Victoria’s Secret girls? All weighty questions indeed.

Should I even make a New Year’s resolution? After all, statistics tell us that only 5% of us follow through on them. In fact, it’s very easy to dismiss the whole New Year’s resolution thing as fodder for the weak-minded – just more forced self-improvement projects doomed to fail. For most people, resolutions are little more than the basis for stupid self-deprecating jokes, to be swapped amongst one another in January:

JOE: Hey Mary, make any New Year’s resolutions?

MARY: Yeah, this year I’m giving up chocolate!

Our hypothetical Mary then smiles wryly, unwrapping a Snickers bar. The exaggerated bite she takes elicits congratulatory laughter from the crowd. For that brief moment, all rejoice in this rebellious gesture.

But what exactly are we rebelling against? Who are we defying? There is a fine line between self-deprecating and self-defeating.

Ancient Babylon was the first society to celebrate New Year’s Day, way back in 2000BC. And let me tell you, those Babylonians knew how to party. Their New Year’s party lasted 11 days. Of course, this was easier to do considering that their choice of New Year’s Day was a more logical one. Rather than an arbitrarily selected January 1st, they began their celebrations during the 1st New Moon after the Vernal Equinox – the 1st day of spring. As you might imagine, March is much more conducive to 11 day festivals than January. But when the partying was done, the Babylonians began resolving. Dating back over 4000 years, New Year’s resolutions are the great granddaddy of holiday traditions.

The Babylonians believed that one’s actions on the first day of the New Year could determine the course of the rest of the year. They decided that on the day of renewal, they would renew themselves. On the day marking the beginning of the yearly life cycle, they would mark new beginnings in their own lives. On this day they vowed to renew covenants, to make new promises to themselves and to others – and above all, to start living correctly, right away. They realized that change could be made in an instant, that deliberation is the enemy of progress.

But back in modern times, cynicism rules the day. I would estimate that most people are cynics, and many would explicitly classify themselves as such. In their minds, anyone who sets out to achieve real, absolute goals is silly, naïve or pitiful. To the cynic, such pursuits betray a dire lack of understanding.

Let me be blunt about this: cynicism is simply laziness and fear dressed up in fancy intellectual clothing. Not serious enough to be philosophy, not useful enough to be profitable, cynicism is a kind of mental purgatory where the weak and tired go to waste away their days. Rationalization replaces reason. Consider: most people who bemoan our “cultural fixation” on body image are woefully out of shape. All well and good, until you consider also that these same people are as fixated on body image as the rest of us. When a fixation is near universal, it starts looking less like a fixation and more like a basic human desire.

In their heart of hearts, these people too see optimal body composition and health as desirable, but choose to blame the media or some other convenient scapegoat rather than take responsibility for their own lives. Or they repeat any number of well-worn excuses for not accomplishing the goals they've wanted to achieve, whether physical, professional, or interpersonal. Or worse yet, they just utter the ultimate debate ender, straight out of the cynic’s handbook: “There’s no point.”

In our modern world, excuses abound. Hell, even our excuses have excuses. Don’t fall into the trap. Don’t excuse poor efforts. Don’t rationalize your laziness. Don’t just assuage your fears – confront them. Take stock of your life, and if it needs improvement, take immediate action to improve it. Just do it.

Only 5% ever will. But that’s a minority I want to be in. There are worse things than to be exceptional.

On New Year’s Eve, I’ll be trading in my cynic’s cap for a cheesy, glittery Happy New Year cone-style hat and one of those annoying New Year’s tasseled horns. I’ll also be kissing a fine looking honey at midnight. And yes, I’ll be making a New Year’s resolution or two. I’ll be gettin’ Babylonian, taking the opportunity to reflect on the year’s progress, and looking forward to the accomplishment of new goals in 2004.

Let me know I’m not alone. Shoot me an email and let me know what you’ve resolved to do. Heck, if it’s fitness related, I know someone who might be able to help.

Happy holidays from all of us here at Science Link HQ.